Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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