Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
