drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
