I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
