I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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