I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
