i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
