what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
