This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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