I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
