Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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