It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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