I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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