she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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