I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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