let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
