Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
ok first of all what the fuck
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
