One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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