and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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