Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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