Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
They took my balls.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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