I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
