belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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