It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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