I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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