Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
