He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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