i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
