YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
