i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
