Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
