I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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