I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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