Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
