I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
