I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
