bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
