I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
