That's when you crack a 10am beer
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
