if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
