is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
