Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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