I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
