grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
