someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
