You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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