Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
