yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
