he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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