you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
