Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize