that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
