They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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