He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
