Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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