i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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