idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
