I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
