I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
