I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize