i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How naked do you want me to be?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
