i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
