he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
