why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
