And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I want her autograph on my taint
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
