i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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