cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
