i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
