Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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