I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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