There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Mom said you looked used
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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