My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
