You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
