I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
