I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
