The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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