thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My ass is underappreciated
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
