6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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