so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
