A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
