I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
