I hate your face
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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