would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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